my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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