My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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