If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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