32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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