im drinking this country out of the recession.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i now understand why vodka
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
