rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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