Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
