dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I love you.
Bad choice
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