I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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