why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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