I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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