Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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