Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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