somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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