Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
