I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
