I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
