found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
