i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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