she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
