Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
