did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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