I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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