you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
