So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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