i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
