i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
