FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
