She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
