pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
