dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is the high leading the old right now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
