He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
