You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
