After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
