Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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