One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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