dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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