She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
