I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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