he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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