TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
