God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
