it hurts more in the daytime
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
