You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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