Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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