he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
