Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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