Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
