I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
