Where did you get a picture of my penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
