It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
