loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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