You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
